It was the summer of 2015. I was heading to work — a part-time graphic design gig that required a 60-minute commute one day per week. Fifteen minutes into the drive, I felt a familiar panic rising in my body. My heart pounded in my chest, and a wave of nausea washed over me.
I took the next interstate exit and hastily pulled into the parking lot of a Hampton Inn. I parked the car, hyperventilated, sobbed, called my mom.
I didn’t finish that commute that day. I turned around, went home (I was living with my parents), and finally admitted to my mom (and myself) that I wasn’t okay. I soon saw a doctor, who prescribed Sertraline, Xanax, and therapy.
I tend to think of that day as a low point, but my mental health has been up and down throughout the years. When I came home from a life-changing gap year in England in late 2016, I struggled to find a job and was consumed with shame and depression for a solid year. In 2020 and 2021, I wrestled with COVID isolation and burnout.
Then, my life changed in almost every conceivable way, all at once. I quit my job, got married, moved to Canada, and started freelancing. Even though I wanted and welcomed these changes, they wrecked my emotional equilibrium. I cried a lot. I had panic attacks. I had a hard time reconciling my gut feeling that I was right where I was supposed to be with my lizard brain’s fight-or-flight response to blowing up my life.
I’ve come a long way since 2015 — even since 2022. This is partly thanks to medication and therapy, but I now have lots of other tools in my mental health toolbox: fresh air, breathing exercises, walking, visualizations, journaling, fidget toys, hugs, distractions, affirmations.
I used to think affirmations were kind of lame. But as a writer and a words person, I’ve come to love them. Here are two I turn over in my mind when I need to ground myself:
Proceed as if everything will be okay.
On its own, “Everything will be okay,” sets off my bullshit radar. It feels like toxic positivity and it does nothing for me. Because how do you know everything will be okay? But when I tell myself to proceed as if everything will be okay, I can move forward while acknowledging that horrible outcomes could definitely still happen! I think I appreciate the “fake it ‘til you make it” approach here.
(Also, I once read an article or study that said people who worried about an event or outcome were no more prepared to actually deal with said event/outcome than people who didn’t worry about it. And in this small study of people with generalized anxiety disorder, 91.4% of worry predictions didn’t come true. So I might as well proceed as if everything will be okay and then deal with it if shit actually does hit the fan. Right?)
I’ll handle it.
A few years ago, I read an excellent (if a bit old school) self-help book called Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers. In the intro, she lays out three different “levels” of fear:
Situation-oriented fears: natural disasters, war, aging, flying, changing careers, public speaking
Ego-oriented fears: failure, rejection, being vulnerable, helplessness
“I can’t handle it.”
Jeffers argues that the root of all fears is a feeling that you won’t be able to handle whatever life may bring you. I’m inclined to agree with her. Although it seems simple, almost silly, I try to interrupt my anxiety spirals by telling myself, “I’ll handle it.” And it often helps. After all, I’ve handled everything that’s come my way so far.
And so have you.
See you later,
Kara
P.S. I’m spending next week deep in the Wisconsin Northwoods, so there will be no newsletter next Thursday! 🌲
Out of Office
What I do when I’m not at my desk
Reading: I enjoyed the very cute and whimsical storybook Invisible Things by Andy J. Pizza. I love how Andy playfully visualizes abstract concepts like nostalgia, worries, and the heebie-jeebies. (I also recommend Andy’s podcast, Creative Pep Talk!)
Watching: We finished The Other Bennet Sister and I loved it so much! We also rewatched Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves, which is a movie that sounds like it might be dumb but it’s actually really fun and entertaining.
Doing: I know it’s barely August, but a lot of planner brands are releasing their 2027 designs, and I have fallen deep into the planner rabbit hole. I’ve always just used something basic from Staples or Walmart, but now I’m researching Hobonichi, Sterling Ink, Aura Estelle, and a million other options. Tell me what planner(s) you love!
Kara Detwiller is a writer and artist based in small-town Saskatchewan. She specializes in long-form content writing for enterprise SaaS, cybersecurity, and manufacturing clients. She is also working on her first novel, among other creative pursuits. To connect, reply to this email or find Kara on LinkedIn.
Why Wishful Working? I want to help people thrive in a world obsessed with work and productivity. Together, we’re expanding the definition of productivity, rediscovering life balance, and exploring the many kinds of work that make life possible.
