"So, what do you do?"

Today’s edition of Wishful Working is a 2 minute read.

Isn’t it kind of weird that when we meet someone new and want to know about their job/career, we ask them, “What do you do?” 

On the surface, it’s a super vague question. 

But we all know exactly what it means.

When someone asks me this question, my response is either, “I’m a writer” or “I’m a freelance writer.” And, anticipating the inevitable follow-up questions, I usually add some details about what I write. For example, “Companies hire me to write content for their websites and online blogs.”

Although I genuinely enjoy asking people about their work (and being asked about mine), I sort of wish “What do you do?” wasn’t such a default conversation starter. 

So much of life is already centered around work, and I don’t think it’s healthy to have our identities so enmeshed with our jobs. Also, job-centered small talk has the potential to exclude or alienate whole groups of people, including stay-at-home parents, caregivers, and people who don’t (or can’t) work.

I’ve seen people propose alternative questions to ask, such as “What keeps you busy these days?” or “How are you spending your time lately?” While they are more inclusive, these questions feel vaguely…euphemistic? It feels like we’re still steering the conversation toward the labor we do, whether it’s at a traditional 9-5 job or not.

The other day, I started daydreaming about how I might answer this question if I couldn’t talk about work.

So, what do I do?

I do the New York Times puzzles while I eat breakfast most mornings.

I take naps on the sofa with a little gray cat curled up in the crook of my bent legs.

I walk 2 blocks to our small town post office to pick up the mail. Sometimes the little gray cat goes with me.

I go for tractor and combine rides with my farmer husband as he plants grain and harvests it. 

I send cat pics, haul videos, and the most mundane life updates imaginable to a group chat with my three best friends.

I eat produce fresh from the garden and frozen Costco foods fresh from the deep freezer.

I go for walks on the dusty dirt roads of my little town.

I travel to see new places and old friends.

I do lots of different things other than work.

So, what do you do?

(This is not a rhetorical question. I would love if you replied to this email to tell me.)

See you next week,

Kara