Making plans is an act of hope

I’ve been in a funk for several weeks. 

I think it’s partly seasonal, partly hormonal (I love being a woman), and partly the subtle undercurrent of dread and malaise that seems baked into being a human in the world in 2025. 

In any case, I haven’t been feeling very motivated or inspired lately. I do my tasks and submit assignments, but I don’t feel much joy or purpose. I’m feeling like it’s time for a shift in my career, but I don’t know what. I’m struggling to make time for art and play and creativity.

I started to turn a corner, mentally, about a week ago. The proverbial clouds parted. I had a small epiphany about my novel project, and I started to organize my schedule to fit in more fun/personal writing time. I cheerfully envisioned the coming week, with its blank expanses of time for creativity and productivity.

And then my body — or rather, some microscopic infectious agent inside my body — laughed at me and said, “Nice try, sucker.” 

A tickle in my throat progressed into quite a nasty respiratory sickness that had me stuck in bed for basically this entire week.

Sick days bring up a lot of weird feelings for me. 

At past jobs, taking a sick day involved a lot of calculation — Mostly, “Do I feel sick enough to use PTO for this?” Since I work for myself, I don’t have to use PTO or even tell anyone I’m sick unless it’s going to affect a meeting or deadline. But making that calculation wore a groove in my brain, because I still find myself evaluating whether I’m sick enough to rest, to postpone, to leave things undone.

Being sick also makes me think about the people who can’t take a sick day: People who don’t have paid sick days and can’t afford to miss a shift. Parents who still have to parent when they’re sick. People with chronic illnesses who have to work while sick all the time. I think of these people and start to feel some twisted form of guilt over the privilege I have to take time to rest and heal.

I also think about productivity. Being sick feels unproductive, but healing is actually an incredibly effortful, productive thing to do. Sick days should be restful, sure, but they’re far from leisurely. Healing is grueling. 

Finally, spending hours doing nothing but resting and healing makes me think about my humanity, and without getting too grim, my mortality. Not just because the razorblade feeling of a bad sore throat makes me question my will to live, but because I usually take my health for granted and being sick reminds me that nothing is guaranteed.

My health is not guaranteed — not in the short term or the long term. Ditto for the health and wellbeing of the people I love. When I start down this spiral, I get anxious, imagining the worst scenarios and feeling like what’s the point of anything amid so much potential and actual pain. 

But sometimes, this train of thought takes me to an unexpected, hopeful place. A place where I don’t want to waste a single second worrying when I could be spending that time enjoying my life and my loved ones. 

Now that I’m starting to feel better, I’m coming out of this pensive fog. I’m looking at the blank squares of my calendar sheepishly, knowing that life sees every plan I make as a mere suggestion. 

But I’m also feeling hopeful and excited, knowing that some of those empty squares will fill with more love and joy than I can possibly imagine.

See you next week,

Kara

Out of Office

What I’m doing when I’m not working

• I watched six movies while sick in bed, including Materialists (better than I expected, given its mixed reviews) and Coyote Ugly (I had somehow never seen it??? Perfect movie to watch on a sick day, imo).

• Here’s a picture of me and my husband on an evening walk before I was struck down by the microbe(s).

P.S. Got a question about self-employment, anti-hustle culture, business books, or something else?

Kara Detwiller is a writer and creative based in small-town Saskatchewan. She specializes in long-form content writing for enterprise SaaS, cybersecurity, and manufacturing clients. She is also working on her first novel, among other creative pursuits. To connect, reply to this email or find Kara on LinkedIn. To support her work on Wishful Working, share this email with someone or buy her a “coffee.”

Why Wishful Working? I write this newsletter because I want to see more people enjoy a life not centered around work. For some, the path to freedom and flexibility is through self-employment, but we also need to challenge cultural norms and champion healthier working conditions and work/life balance for all types of workers.